Sometimes the winds are worse than change itself! I have often wondered why it is that I who love change, still fight so hard emotionally, to make the turn to go another direction! I remember when I worked for Northeast Tech Center. The job was awesome until I reached a plateau of learning and creating. I loved the people I worked with and the campus was a beautiful place, nestled among trees on the side of a hill. I felt the breezes of change for days- maybe even a year- ahead of my resignation to resign. I had reached my limit. I just didn’t know where I was going next if I quit what I was doing.
The winds blew harder and unrest turned into dread. Early one very dreary, cloudy morning, on my drive to work, I started looking at a very tiny mobile home that had a light on. And, I began to imagine that the lady of the house was home having coffee. I thought of the joy she must have being able to sit and sip. Maybe she was taking time to read, talk to God and the cat. She might actually have breakfast at the table. Maybe she would clean her own house, spend quality time with her children, or go out with a friend. I just knew she would feel very fulfilled and would fling her head back and laugh at the rain—for she was happy, but I was not! My goals of making more money to have a better car and house seemed way down the list when compared to a moment of being true to myself—even if it meant down-sized. Although, some of my greatest concerns were that I would never get to trade cars or replace the carpet.
My scenario of the lady of the house was pure imagination. The winds of change were very much a reality! Would I be true to myself and try new things or shrivel up inside a shell with a known paycheck end? Yes, I quit and tears spilled onto the page of the resignation letter before it was even signed and sealed!
It was quite funny the first week after I resigned. Someone donated an entire box of toilet paper to me! Strange, but, it made me laugh at God’s humor. Forget the ‘if God cares for the birds’ story in the Bible. I now had my own version which went something like, “If God cares that Reba has toilet paper, then He can also provide for food and clothes and carpet—and most of all—fun.” I love God. He’s personal to me. And, He likes to make me laugh. People say He’s awesome—and I know He is. Spiritual people say cliché words… I mostly think God is funny in the very most Highest, Holy way! Think about it—He made a donkey to talk, fed a prophet steak flown in by a black bird, divided a sea by lifting a stick, and fed 5,000 people with a little boys lunch! I tell you He really works to make us smile. He pushes it further and wants me to be ‘full’ of joy the Bible says. Well, that’s where the toilet paper came in!
Yes, I bought my first new car after that, founded the WINGS women’s ministry, became an ordained minister, started writing a weekly column and began pastoring a church alongside my husband. Breezes of change are a sweet relief—yet still emotional.
Winds of change always blow, redirecting us, re-charting our course so that we arrive totally spent—every gift opened and honed to the limit, having stopped at every port, and boarded every connecting flight, before arriving… at Heaven’s door.